When Urgency Backfires (And What To Do Instead)
READ TIME - 4 MINUTES
“Anyone else getting frostbite from the industry reps committee?” asked Mel, dropping her bag and scanning her inbox. “I’ve followed up three times this week. One‑word replies… then silence.”
“Procurement’s the same,” said Jae. “We set up showcases, extra check‑ins, that dashboard they wanted, so why does the relationship feel worse, not better. Seriously, WTF?”
Tariq rubbed his eyes. “Yeah, I know. It’s so weird. We built a whole engagement plan to warm things up, but somehow it’s doing the opposite. More meetings, more pings, more reporting… more prickly.”
Pia closed her notebook. “Maybe our pace is the problem? We’ve been treating this like a constant code blue. They’re saturated. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but what if we stop adding more and pull back? Fewer touchpoints, more space, one clear ask, with a longer runway for folks?”
Mel paused, then nodded. “Honestly, I’d love to stop chasing. Let’s try it.”
We’ve learnt that (contrary to popular belief!), when it comes to engaging stakeholders, slowing down often gets you further.
Constant urgency feels productive, but it lands as pressure.
Pressure triggers defensiveness, slows responses, and strains relationships, especially with stakeholders who aren’t living your project 24/7.
Most aren’t saying “no.” They’re saying “not yet,” “not like this,” “seriously, I need a minute”, or “please, less noise.”
When you move at human speed—predictable, respectful, spacious—people relax. Input improves. Rework drops. Trust grows.
If your stakeholders have been shutting down and/or prickly, here’s an idea worth trying:
The Calm Cadence
What it is:
A gentler rhythm that swaps chase energy for steady energy.
One clear message per cycle. One clear ask. At least a week for input. Use the channel and frequency that suits them, not you. Not double‑bumping follow-ups in 24 hours.
Just humane momentum.
Here’s how to do it:
1. Choose the channel and frequency that suits them. Ask once: “What’s the easiest way for you to hear from us: email, a short Teams note, a quick voicemail? How often is useful?”
Match their preference.
2. Make one clear ask, and give a full week for input. Say exactly what input you need and by when, and as a standard, give at least seven days of breathing room.
E.g.: “By next Friday 3pm, could you comment on Section 2 only. We’re looking for input on any risks we might’ve missed?”
3. Stop chasing for 72 hours. Once you’ve followed up, don’t nudge them again for three business days unless something is truly urgent (99% of the time it’s not).
People move faster when they aren’t being herded.
4. Name the gentler pace out loud. For example, you could say something like: “We’re slowing the tempo so we don’t burn people out or create noise. We’ll use [their channel of choice] and, as a standard from now on, when we’re seeking input we’ll aim to always allow a week from the time we ask to the date we need your input. If you need us sooner, just ping us.” 5. Protect your own energy. I promise, this is more important and impactful than you realise.
Close your laptop at a sane hour. Go live your life outside of work. Restore, refresh and have fun. Don’t teach people you’re always “on.”
Calm is contagious - and so is frenzy.
The Bottom Line
Listen, it’s organisational change, not heart surgery.
Most relationships don’t need more touchpoints; they need less pressure and more space.
A calm cadence (think: uses their communication channel of choice, one useful message, one clear ask, offering folks a full week to respond) builds trust and gets you further with less grind.
Slow is smooth. Smooth becomes fast.
That’s it for this week.
We'll be back next Tuesday with an outrageous (but absolutely do-able!) strategy to help your whole team become immediately calmer and more effective.
If you're exhausted, overwhelmed and can't see a way off the treadmill, this one's for you.
Stay tuned!
See you then,
Team EVER
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