They're Nodding And Smiling (But You Know They're Not Buying It)

READ TIME - 4 MINUTES

"Everyone seems on board with the change," Zara reported to her project team. "Lots of head-nodding in the briefings."

But something felt off.

The same stakeholders who'd enthusiastically agreed to be change champions hadn't shown up to a single meeting.

Her inbox was full of "Sorry, crazy busy!" responses, and whenever she dropped by their desks for a chat, they were mysteriously "just heading to a meeting."

"Time to face facts," she said to her empty office, opening her stakeholder engagement tracker. "All these polite 'yes' responses are actually silent nos."

When your stakeholders are masters of the polite dodge and every 'yes' sounds suspiciously like 'not a chance,' here's how to cut through the courtesy:

1. The "Subtle Signs" Strategy

In Australian workplaces, people rarely explicitly say "no" directly to change.

Learning to spot early warning signs helps you identify resistance before it becomes a bigger problem.

Here are some of the most common signs to watch out for:

  • The "polite but perpetually busy" response

  • Enthusiasm in meetings, but no follow-through after

  • Regular last-minute meeting cancellations

  • The diplomatic "I'll try my best"

  • Redirecting conversations to other priorities

  • Delegating change activities to junior team members

  • Missing from optional sessions but claiming interest

  • Quick agreement without questions or discussion

  • The "yes, but" response ("Yes, but we'll need to wait until...")

  • Avoiding 1:1 conversations about the change

  • Surface-level engagement with no real commitment

  • Radio silence in group discussions

Pro tip: Sometimes the most important feedback is in what's not being said.

2. The "Safe Space" Approach

When people don't feel safe voicing concerns, they default to polite agreement.

Creating genuine opportunities for honest dialogue helps surface - and address - real concerns.

Here’s a bunch of ideas to help you do it:

  • Grab a coffee instead of booking a meeting room

  • Share your own initial doubts about the change

  • Use phrases like "What's keeping you up at night about this?"

  • Create anonymous feedback channels

  • Hold small group sessions instead of large forums

  • Meet people in their space, not yours (or even better - outside of the office)

  • Share what others (anonymously) are worried about to normalise concerns

  • Ask "What would make this work better?" instead of "Are you on board?"

  • Follow up one-on-one after group sessions

  • Make it clear there's no "wrong" feedback

  • Really listen and acknowledge concerns without getting defensive

  • Show how feedback has shaped the change approach so far

Pro tip: We’ve found people are more likely to be honest when they see others voicing similar concerns and those concerns are being heard respectfully.

Truth is, a polite 'yes' can mean anything from "absolutely" to "not in a million years."

Your job isn't to force enthusiasm - it's to create an environment where people feel safe being honest about their concerns.

Sometimes the fastest way to get to a real 'yes' is to make it okay to say 'no' first.

That's it for this week.

Next Tuesday we're diving into what happens when the project team doesn't get change management - don't miss it!

See you then,

Team EVER

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Kate Byrne